Bathing a Pig

          So today was the day…just all at once, no plan, just spontaneously decided that the pig needed a bath! Yes, we own a pig, a 100lb mini pig named Nelly. Here I am getting all the equipment I needed to bathe her, except I was missing the electric assist a lift…not sure the ceiling would handle something like that; definitely the shower door frame could not hold that weight. So, it was up to me to get her in. Without too much thought I went and got some small carrots for her to coax her into the bathroom…you do know pigs are smart right?! Yeah, and I thought that would work by leaving a trail of carrots into the bathroom up to the tub, this pig would not come in past the door. Ugh, now how was I going to get this pig in there? So, I went out and got her good oat treats, all heart-shaped and everything. That got her halfway passed the door, oh man. I had to put the last of the treats on the floor near the tub, then slowly get behind her so I could push her in and shut the door. Yes! She’s all in the bathroom and cannot escape *insert creepy laugh here. Now, let’s get her closer to the tub…as I was sliding her over on the tile floor, because you know she won’t walk over, she all of sudden cannot stand, like it’s an ice rink or something. Her feet are frantically going in every direction…ahhhh Nelly just stand up! Then she decides it’s better for her to just lie down. Really?! HOW AM I GOING TO LIFT THIS PIG INTO THE TUB NOW???? Welp, I have to try, so let’s all pray! Father, please give me the strength to lift this pig into the tub without hurting myself…amen, Thank you Father. 
          Arms wrapped around her like I’m giving her a big bear hug, WHICH SHE HATES, she didn’t grunt too much or slash her head at me…another quick prayer went up at this point. Now that I have her to her feet and her not sliding all over, I decided to get her front half up on the side of the tub…WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! She screamed this blood curdling scream at a level of loudness I have not heard ever and all I could do was tell her to stop, but I couldn’t even hear myself tell her. Oh, my goodness, just let go Christina and lift her back end in…just let go…I couldn’t even hear myself think! I felt nearly paralyzed, like I all of sudden lost the ability of all motor skills because of this squealing…ahhhhh….my ears. Finally, I was able to let go and get her back half in, then silence. She was so scared, that it’s a good thing I did not run the bath yet, she peed perfectly over the drain. Oh, yay no dirty pee water! So, as she’s now hugging the faucet like it’s her long-lost mother, I began the bath portion. 
          Whew, I finished her bathing and now I have to figure out how I am going to get her out. See, this is what happens when I am spontaneous…it reminds me of why I am a planner. And I thought calling her out, she would just so kindly and easily jump out on her own and all the towels I laid out on the floor for her so she wouldn’t slip and fall…which were also for me. Oh but no she couldn’t make any of this easy. I’m trying to get her to move over so I could get in the tub with her…move her head over and like a rubber band releasing she’s right back to the same spot. Isn’t it considered insanity if you keep trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result?! Ummm I think I was insane in thinking I could bathe the pig alone, and yes trying to move the pig over just so I could get in, at some point she would stay over right?! Ugh, finally I tried something different, as she’s still clinging to her mother faucet, I repositioned her enough so I could sneak in on the side away from her maternal water giver and had to send up a quick prayer that I did not fall in the tub with her, oh my goodness, I totally don’t want to imagine that part, then I asked that she didn’t thrash or freak out again with me having to bear hug her again. Putting my faith in the Father, I grabbed that piggy there and lifted her up halfway and she jumped right out. YAY! I get out with her, dry her up a bit and off she went. 
          My heartrate was in the burn zone, I felt like I did a full workout, cheeks were all red and I burned around 1,400 calories in a ten-minute period. 
          This folks is why I am not good at being spontaneous!

Lighten up and Laugh a little!

Nelly