While in Hawaii, this past June, we were there over Father’s Day. I tried to push back the emotions of my dad, even though it was the first Father’s Day without him. I tried to be present with the hubs, but we attended a church service, and something spoken hit me and caused me to become very heavy of which I held in the emotions, the best I could. We got to the car, and I cried a little, but tried so hard to be present, but I was not. The hubs knew. He tried to get me above it, he even bought be a necklace and ring, so beautiful, I was so grateful, but so heavy. I thought, if I could just through the day and just sleep, I would be fine the next day. I was a little better, but from that point on, I could not get out from under the heaviness.
We went camping in July on the West Coast and I knew I was going to have some good laughs, I asked the Father for it. When I did, I was laughing so hard I was crying, then I hit this threshold where I felt the laughter, was still laughing super hard, but then there was this deep sorrow that I could’ve just went straight from laughing to deeply sobbing, but said NO, and backed out of it. Little did I know that was the heaviness that was lingering because I did not grieve properly.
We just got back from the Tony Kemp Supernatural School Conference where Pastor Tony was led to call out the spirit of depression. I was like, that’s not me, so I did not stand. Then he continued to call out grief…see that morning I had a dream where I got to hug my dad…sure enough grief I had. So that was definitely me. I stood up and received deliverance. I’m so grateful I did.
See the enemy tried to keep me in a place that prevented me from being me because I was so weighed down by the grief. Although not depression, it was a spirit of grief that caused me to not have the fulness. I allowed it in when I did not cry, when I did not process the day to honor my dad on Father’s Day, instead I buried it and it grew roots, and it produce great sorrow over me. I did that, all because of some unspoken embarrassment, all because I didn’t want to cry it out, all because of some sort of shame that doesn’t even make sense now. I gave permission to the enemy to hold me down.
So, I share this wisdom, grieve properly. No one can tell you when or how to grieve but grieve. Grieve and honor so you can work through it. Don’t give room to the enemy to cause this heaviness to try and take you to a place of depression. Don’t allow the enemy to incapacitate you where you cannot be in a place of victory. We can live in victory even in the midst of grieving. It doesn’t mean we don’t cry, but it does not keep us from the goodness of the Father. It does not cause us to remain stagnant. Yes, there is time necessary that must be taken, how much is between you and the Father, to grieve through. You must continue through the process to make your peace if that is necessary so that healing can happen through the tears you cry, and the memories you revisit.
My husband said something to me that helped me tremendously…there were more good years, there were more times that were good, than the bad times previous with my dad. That hit differently. The realization that the memories of hurt was early on and far less than the changes he made, the man he became, and the love he expressed in a healthy way.
If this is you, wondering how to get to a place where you can grieve properly, then repeat this aloud, “Father God, in Your Son Jesus Christ, I speak directly to the spirit of depression, the spirit of grief, the spirit of heaviness, to GO from me now, in the name of Jesus Christ. I am covered by the blood of Jesus, I am cleansed by His blood. I am whole, I am free, I am comforted, I am at peace, I am no longer under these spirits. Father, I forgive myself, help me to forgive me. I forgive the one I am grieving, help me to forgive them. I close every open door to the enemy right now in the name of Jesus Christ! I receive joy, peace, happiness, release, and Your overwhelming love Father. In Jesus name, Amen!”