There is wisdom that can be used during fights with your spouse. First, keep your mouth shut in the heat of the moments. No matter how angry, no matter how hurt, no matter how much pain you have and are enduring, just be quiet. You only will increase what already exists. Second, is calming down and seeing your part in the whole thing. See what you may have said and done, and how it may have been interpreted and received by your spouse. Your intent doesn’t matter in these moments. Really, see what they were doing in the moment you said or did what, that triggered the blow up. Own your stuff! Third, seek the Father, once you calmed down, not always can you I know, but have a conversation with Him. Ask Him for help to show you what you did…we already know what our spouse did, lol, so no need to ask for that, right?! LOL! Fourth, while you’re speaking with the Father, ask Him what your spouse intended, to help you see their heart in the matter…you will work on this over time. Fifth, is praying for your spouse, that there are things that no matter what when brought up triggers a fight, and ask the Father to first weed out things in you and then ask Him to communicate to them why the thing triggers them so healing can come. Even add this to your future to ask the Father to help communicate to your spouse, to help them see what they’re doing to you, in the hardest and most heated areas and subjects, so that an open door can be revealed to process through those areas. The Father will help you, but don’t be selfish, demanding, and controlling to tell the Father what to do, to fix your spouse, etc. Sixth, is to know their heart no matter what. They love you, they desire no hurt…really they do not…if you do not believe this then this is your own stuff, not theirs, fix it. They chose you, they vowed before the Father for you, they choose to be there, and so forth. Your belief has nothing to do with them. Oh, they do this and that, it proves otherwise…well once you realize that you’re not perfect and you too have things that can prove the same thing against you, well then maybe you will give the same grace your spouse has been extending you. It is more important for you to seek the Father about your stuff then about your spouses. Seventh, is to always seek the Father first before speaking in the heat of things with your spouse. Seek peace, seek understanding, extend grace and mercy. Eighth, repent for your stuff to your spouse. Be detailed in what you’re apologizing for. Finally, once you repent/forgive you cannot bring that thing back up in other fights…see you eliminate the tally of wrongs here.
NOTE: I am giving insight for relationships that have God at the head, that are working out areas of their marriages. I am not speaking about abusive relationships.